These Are The Things That Define Me - A Revelation

I don't know what I'm about to write about, but I've been told I need to. See I'm trying to find myself again and reconcile that with being a mother and professional. The true me would watch Skins all day, then go out and mimic their mischief. So I wish people would stop asking me what I "want" to do. Obviously I do not want to be a little worker bee who does flash cards with her toddler and has a spotless house. But this is obviously what society wants of me, and to some extent these things are necessary to have the other things you want. For example, if I don't go to work, how will I afford to go to backpacking through South America? It feels like such an irreconcilable paradox. Can I be the professional mother who hits the bars at happy hour and foregoes PTA for a Skrillex show?

So I turned to the thing I do best...I made a list. Without any judgement or editing (hence the alphabetical order to avoid prioritization), I listed things I actually like, and trust me, it wasn't easy.

Being Outdoors

Coloring

Comedy

Cooking

Crafts

Cultural Experiences

Dancing

Dining Out

Fashion

Helping Others

Intelligent Conversation

Learning

Making Jewelry

Music

Politics

Samarah

Sleeping

Socializing

Throwing Parties

Travel

Watching TV Series

Writing

Yoga

In making this list I realized that I have been doing a lot of these things. But I'm never really present when I do them. I don't stop and observe how these things make me feel. Perhaps that was why it was so easy to forget what they were...I had no feelings associated with them. So now its time to take charge of these interests and realize that they aren't just filler in the spaces between being a mother, professional, friend, etc. No. These are the things that define me.

What do I stand for?

Watching the Fuse Top 10 countdown tonight I was asked a vital question by the band Fun. "What do I stand for?" Indeed. I decided this would be a fitting first post for a new blog on my journey to free myself from this existential depression and try to see some good in this world I must inhabit.

Now I'm not saying its ALL bad. My existential depression stems from the fact that the bad is infinitely worse than the good could ever be positive. So I can name something good about this world...how about charity. But flip that around and you have greed, which will always overshadow charity.

But, back to the subject at hand...what do I stand for? Here is a list so you can get to know me a bit.

I stand for...

Justice
Loyalty
Compassion
Gratitude
Authenticity
Charity
Individuality
Freedom
Perseverance

Of course, this is the short list. Until next time...